Confusion

blah blah blah about these days

 

Well...what a surprise...I feel confused again!
Umh you know... I have not a relationship - good relationship (I mean especialy friend relationship) for so long I don't even know how to act... I remember my best friends back then...it was normal we hold our hands or give kisu kisu to each other - to say hallo or bai bai.
I have never thought it's something "weird" you know?

Now I am FUCKIN' confused. Because even with my best friend... to hold her hand... to think about kissing her... it's different. Because it could destroy the fragile friendship. I am so fuckin' afraid of it I can't even sleep. I just keep thinking "what will she think about me?"
To se her smiling...to see her in such mood ...makes me happy. And nervous.
I already don't know whre friendship ends and relationship starts.

I am confused as hell.

I don't want her to leave. But if I will make a mistake she probably will. Or it will destroy the friendship.
My hands are shaking...my head is like...boom boom boom and brain on the walls.

Stressfull...

My clasmates looking at me....as at the stranger. XD they really do. I saw it. But I really don't care. I don't care about others. Who give a fuck?? :D I just thought "omg, people are really half-witted XD

I know she will probabyl read this. I don't know what she will think or what she will say to me after this. But I just can't hold it inside of myself or I am really going to crazy!!!
I can't think. Two cars almost killed me today XD I was not able to open doors (always the wrong side)... I really think my head is going to explode.

 

Because of the fear. Because of the feeling... shit...I'm really CONFUSED!!!!