30 Dec 2011

About pain


In past I found out that physical pain can make the mental pain ...lower.
It's not like it will go away. It's like it makes the thoughts stop for a while. And concentrate on the pain of body. I used blade and sometimes blunt things (it's much more painful and leave fuckin ugly scars). I didnt burn myself but I knew someone who did... it leaves pretty ugly scars too.
It has last for ...hmm in fact I don't know. Few years like 3 or 4: But I didn't got many scars I really did it only if necessary. It may sounds stupid but I think in the end little scar is better than the grave of yours....

I don't do it anymore.
I have stopped..it's some time. I didn't think about it. I just didn't make it again one day.
I remeber ... The pain was so strong it couldn't be stop.
So it was no use to let body suffer. It didn't work.

Now I can't imagine I would do it again. I can suffer inside. I know how to. I don't need physical pain anymore...

But! Lately I thought about it... I got septum pierced, I spread out my ears... it's painful yeah. I didn't make it in purpose... to feel better. But it comes somehow... I thougth "hell I COULD feel better..." I don't.

And so now I know I have no cure anymore for the mental pain.
I stand here all alone. Thinkin'... I am against drugs. I am against self-hurting for the time being. I am against alcohol.

You know sometimes you have to suffer all alone. That's best way how to become stronger.

I have learnt this some time ago. And I thought I become pretty stronger.

Now I am down again. But in the end I believe (I don't RIGHT NOW but I have to say XD) I can come strong person again.
To cheer up friends, family, to be here for them, to help...to be the one who is STRONG.
Standing, fighting...life again and again. Never give up.

In fact I am tired and I would like to "give up". To fall asleep and not to wake up in the same time and body...it could be freeing :D ah yeah.  You know I will fight anyway.

I would never commit suicide. There is always something to live for.

You may think why am I talking about such shits. Sometimes a man need to put things down..on paper...or to write it like this to make the thoughts go away or to  see them and understand or to organize them.
That's what I need...to organize.

Let's end it here....





  1. Já vím, že tohle je něco, co komentář nepotřbuje a asi ani nečeká ... chtěla jsem to jen přečíst a nic nepsat, ale pak ... nevím. Možná bych chtěla, abys věděla, že jsem to četla.

    Já jen doufám, že budeš mít víc \"klid\". Aby ses prostě, cítila dobře.

  2. Oh, COME ON! What a damn sad bitch you are! I just can\'t see how somebody as retarted as u can even think about posting his/her bullsiht on the net! Anyways, good luck with your paining experiences, hope somebody will hear you out and cut you down... COMPLETELY!!! To be completely honest with you, I would have never thought that a living being(person?) can take a photo of herself and put it up on the net just to hear how awesome and cool she is... WHAT THE FUCK? GET IN THE KITCHEN! It was our pleasure to tell you the profane truth... your dear Mastermind and Mindfuck

  3. lol :D my pleasure to know there is another poor human being which doesn\'t understand philosophy :) I didn\'t expect nothing more :D

  4. btw WHY THE FUCK to you read it? it\'s personal blog. are you under lobotomia impact??? lol it made me laugh XD it really did.

  5. Mastermind and Mindfuck07/01/2012, 06:22

    Jesus, do you even know what lobotomy is? Btw, it\'s not pronounced lobotomia in English, but that abysmal truth is beyond the grasping of someone so psychological, intellectual, and eloquent as you may be... or so I reckon!! Well, simply put, I don\'t have to give a damn about psychology when talking to someone so narrow-minded as you present yourself. And one more thing... oh, and did you actually know that it takes 0 muscle groups in total to NOT give a damn? So hey, there is some news for ya: You may as well stand at my arsehole and I wouldn\'t even notice when taking a crap. As always, your dear friend Mastermind and Mindfuck ;)


I don't hate anyone. I believe we should not hate on people. But I hate my haters, obviously.