In past I found out that physical pain can make the mental pain ...lower.
It's not like it will go away. It's like it makes the thoughts stop for a while. And concentrate on the pain of body. I used blade and sometimes blunt things (it's much more painful and leave fuckin ugly scars). I didnt burn myself but I knew someone who did... it leaves pretty ugly scars too.
It has last for ...hmm in fact I don't know. Few years like 3 or 4: But I didn't got many scars I really did it only if necessary. It may sounds stupid but I think in the end little scar is better than the grave of yours....
I don't do it anymore.
I have stopped..it's some time. I didn't think about it. I just didn't make it again one day.
I remeber ... The pain was so strong it couldn't be stop.
So it was no use to let body suffer. It didn't work.
Now I can't imagine I would do it again. I can suffer inside. I know how to. I don't need physical pain anymore...
But! Lately I thought about it... I got septum pierced, I spread out my ears... it's painful yeah. I didn't make it in purpose... to feel better. But it comes somehow... I thougth "hell I COULD feel better..." I don't.
And so now I know I have no cure anymore for the mental pain.
I stand here all alone. Thinkin'... I am against drugs. I am against self-hurting for the time being. I am against alcohol.
You know sometimes you have to suffer all alone. That's best way how to become stronger.
I have learnt this some time ago. And I thought I become pretty stronger.
Now I am down again. But in the end I believe (I don't RIGHT NOW but I have to say XD) I can come strong person again.
To cheer up friends, family, to be here for them, to help...to be the one who is STRONG.
Standing, fighting...life again and again. Never give up.
In fact I am tired and I would like to "give up". To fall asleep and not to wake up in the same time and body...it could be freeing :D ah yeah. You know I will fight anyway.
I would never commit suicide. There is always something to live for.
You may think why am I talking about such shits. Sometimes a man need to put things down..on paper...or to write it like this to make the thoughts go away or to see them and understand or to organize them.
That's what I need...to organize.
Let's end it here....